


Of Haute Couture and Harsh Truths

by tothineownelfbetrue



Series: The Way You Look Tonight [2]
Category: Disenchantment (TV 2018)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Bean is oblivious to everything, Conflicting Feelings, Confusion, Dancing, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Getting dressed up, Luci just wants entertainment, Pendergast's trying?, Pre-Relationship, Slow Burn, Tess wonders how the hell she was dragged into this mess, Truth, no beta we die like elves, not as much Chazz as it should really warrant, setting up friends on a date, these poor awkward children, too much truth is a dangerous thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothineownelfbetrue/pseuds/tothineownelfbetrue
Summary: Bean's just being a good friend, helping Elfo reconnect with his long-distance girlfriend.  It's not like she's obsessing at all.  Anyone would go through this much effort to make sure their bestie is happy, right?So why does it bother her?or: That weird fic where Bean mixes matchmaking and royal dances and does neither very well.
Relationships: Bean | Tiabeanie/Elfo (Disenchantment), Elfo/Tess (Disenchantment)
Series: The Way You Look Tonight [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703407
Comments: 10
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during the events of Pt 1, Episode 7 "Love's Tender Rampage".

-

“I’m not so sure about this…” Elfo’s voice was higher than usual and he shuffled from foot to foot as he rubbed at his arms, curled in on himself like a dead spider. Bean wasn’t sure why he was being so awkward about it, other than the fact that the last dance they’d both been at had wound up with a probably unacceptably high number of random casualties. But Bean was confident that it wouldn’t be the case this time. For one thing, she and Luci weren’t the ones running it. Her stepmother and the high chancellor tended to take care of details like that, and no matter what else she had to say about Oona, the woman was fairly competent at keeping things going when she actually wanted to. The ball wasn’t likely to be exciting, but it wouldn’t be a disaster either.

That meant all she had to worry about was her current project; namely, helping Elfo and his giant girlfriend along with their love life. 

She’d been surprised to hear that he had a girlfriend and, much like Luci, perhaps a little bit skeptical over it initially as well. But she knew that Elfo didn’t lie, so she had given him the benefit of the doubt, even while Luci had been laughing and blowing smoke in the elf’s face. It had been fully cinched by her vision in the Den of Wonders. There was someone out there, some very big girl, that Elfo was deeply in love with, and all this time he’d been stuck without her.

It made Bean feel a lot of things. Some of those feelings she was fully prepared to just shove into a box in the corner and ignore because they were confusing and she wasn’t ready to deal with them and probably never would be.

Like Elfo’s attempt to kiss her. Or had she misread? She still wasn’t sure about that part, since it had seemed pretty obvious at the time. But why would he try to kiss her if he had a girlfriend? Maybe she had been mistaken.

But no, the more important thing for her to focus on was that he was probably pretty sad and missing his girlfriend a lot. Maybe that was why he’d been in such a mood lately. He was rarely snappy, but she could forgive it if it was inspired by his loneliness. Poor sad Elfo with no other elves around… What was a princess-slash-friend to do but help out?

And bringing Elfo’s girlfriend to him would not only have made him happy, but it would help her keep her mind off of other things that kept trying to pop into her head after that whole incident in the plague pit.

So, here they were, preparing for an evening that should have cinched the romantic atmosphere she was trying to build for Elfo and his girlfriend to enjoy. She was a little anxious, though she hid it well. She wasn’t sure what the problem was, but ever since Tess had talked during their dinner, she’d been a little more uncertain about how to go about this. It wasn’t that she suddenly didn’t want to help Elfo out, but all of a sudden, Tess was different than she’d expected.

When Tess had been just a huge, aggressive, almost feral woman, it had never occurred to her to wonder if maybe what Elfo liked about her was actually how smart and knowledgeable she was. Elfo had outright said that he loved her because she was smart… 

Bean was smart too, especially for a woman in Dreamland, but she wasn’t exactly some kind of genius. She could admit that to herself. She knew Elfo was pretty smart too, even if he wasn’t worldly, and it was something that she’d relied on a bit in the past. He was fairly levelheaded when it came to actual facts and she could ask him questions and trust that he was going to give her a straight answer as long as it was possible to do so. Had she annoyed him, by asking him things? By not knowing the answers? Did it bother him that he had to hang out and talk to someone who wasn’t on his girlfriend’s level?

She snapped out of that potential spiral of negative thoughts as Elfo let out another anxious squeak. She sat up straight, looking in his direction. “Elfo?” He was still being fussed over by Bunty and the royal tailor. When she’d planned the event, she realized that unlike herself and the rest of the royal family - and most of the nobility too, for that matter - Elfo didn’t have one fancy outfit for events like this. He only had his normal clothes. 

That wouldn’t do for something this big! So the solution had been to simply command the royal tailor to make something nicer for him. The trouble was that he kept wiggling around and griping about the tailor’s attempts to take his shirt off.

“Elfo,” She eased out of the chair and came over to where he and the tailor were standing. The man was trying to pull his shirt up, to prepare to measure him, and he kept squirming. “You have to hold still. It’s not going to hurt, I promise. Gustavo has been the royal tailor for years and he’s pretty good. I’ve only been stabbed like… ten or twelve times.”

“Stabbed?!” Elfo looked up at her with wide eyes, still clinging to the bottom hem of his shirt, tugging it down to cover up his belly. 

She realized the mistake in her wording immediately. “By pins. Just by pins, Elfo.” She wasn’t even sure why he was that alarmed, considering he got stabbed by needles and even daggers in the course of his time in Sorcerio’s care. He had a remarkably high tolerance for pain. 

“I just…” he wheezed a little, voice whistling in his throat. “I don’t know why this is necessary… it’s… just such a fuss. I could just go like I normally do…”

Bean dropped to her knee beside him so they were level. “Elfo…” She let out a soft sound, not quite a laugh. “This is a special occasion. Do you really want to just go in your normal outfit? You haven’t seen your girlfriend in ages, right? Don’t you want to get dressed up nicely for her?” 

Elfo bit his lip at that, wringing his hands in his shirt. “I… I guess...maybe?” He hedged, hesitating, then paused and looked at her beseechingly. “If it were you…” he faltered, searching for words “I mean, if you were my girlfriend-” Elfo froze after the words slipped from his lips, then fumbled hastily over a clarification, “I mean! As a hypothetical scenario! Not that I’d… ever ask you to be my girlfriend or anything!” He shuffled from foot to foot, his cheeks getting a bit dark.

The corner of Bean’s mouth twitched and she gave her head a slight nod, just to indicate that she understood that he wasn’t actually suggesting that they could get together. She understood the idea of a hypothetical scenario, though there was some small part of her that was a little tweaked at how quickly he dismissed the idea of ever asking her to be his girlfriend. Not that she had any interest, but it was hard enough for her to find men who were into her, and his haste made her wonder if there was something about her that just wasn’t doing it for guys…

The elf continued, softer, almost tripping over his words. “I mean if you were hypothetically a… a girl who was... uh… _interested in me_ … would it really be that important that I get dressed up for some… fancy ball?”

She considered it from that angle. If she had really been with Elfo… no. That was such a strange line of thought that her mind tried to shy away from it. Hypothetical scenario. If she were with A Guy, one who wasn’t Elfo and was instead a normal human guy who just happened to be a lot like Elfo… would she really care if he didn’t dress up for a party?

Probably not. But she told herself that it was just because she liked counter-culture type guys, men who rejected the norm. Guys who were okay with just being themselves and not worrying about what the world thought about them. Such a man wouldn’t have wanted to get dressed up for a stupid ball any more than Elfo did. But that wasn’t the point, was it? “I…” 

It was silly to judge Elfo’s current relationship by her own tastes. She was an oddball, even by the standards of this weird kingdom. A normal girl wouldn’t have been thinking about how she liked a guy deciding to just say ‘fuck it’ to the standards of upper-class society. “I think most girls would prefer if their guys dressed up for them.” She said at last, carefully not addressing her own thoughts or inclinations in regard to this matter. She was not Tess. Elfo wasn’t _her_ boyfriend.

Elfo looked at her for a long moment, silent, then he dropped his head a bit, looking over himself. He looked a little ridiculous, in his red shirt and his shorts and that elfen hat, but he always did look a bit silly. He was just… cute…. It embarrassed him sometimes, she knew, but she didn’t think it was a bad thing to be adorable. It actually kind of gave him a leg up on most Dreamland guys because they tended to range from plain to straight-up fugly. “I…” He swallowed, smoothing the front of his shirt. “I guess so…”. 

At last, he moved his hands away from himself, letting his arms fall to his sides. Bunty stepped in close, less worried about being handsy than the tailor was. She reached out to grab hold of the hem of his shirt and drag it off over his head. Elfo squeaked at that, even though he’d been expecting it. As the fabric was dragged off, leaving him ruffled and blushing hard, he covered up his chest.

It was kind of weird to be around a guy who was worried about being shirtless. Most of the Dreamland men she’d interacted with - including her own father - didn’t care about the concept of modesty. Frankly, it was something that few Dreamlanders could afford to think too hard about. So it was often a constant parade of shirtless guys that Bean either wouldn’t give a second look at, or would have avoided seeing if at all possible. In that respect, Elfo was a bit intriguing, so she didn’t bother looking away as Bunty manhandled the elf.

Nothing too astonishing to see, really. Elfo’s naked torso looked as green and soft as the rest of him. She’d gotten the occasional handful of his belly when handling him and it was soft and a little more rounded than she’d generally consider attractive, but there was still a certain amount of appeal to the plushness of him. Sans shirt, he looked even more huggable than before, somehow. Well… except for the frantic way he kept trying to bring his arms up in front of himself as though there was much for him to hide, sputtering the entire time.

“You don’t have to be so worried,” she tried to reassure him, only to have him look at her with abject horror, reminded she was there and witnessing what was - to Elfo, at least - this particularly lewd state. Bean cleared her throat and tried to clarify, “Human men don’t worry too much about being topless. You’re fine.” Bean, herself, wouldn’t have worried so much about being topless around the castle if it didn’t lead to her dad getting an _aneurysm_ from yelling so much about it.

“I’m not a human man…!” Elfo squeaked but quietly. Bean almost chuckled at that, almost said that it was pretty obvious that he wasn’t, but considering the way Elfo looked like he might pass out from embarrassment already, she decided to go easy on him. It was a good thing for the elf that Luci wasn’t here at the moment or he would have been dealing with a lot worse. Still, he seemed a little mollified by this reassurance, enough that he let the tailor nudge his arms aside to take measurements.

Bean leaned in a little, smiling as she tapped Gustavo on the shoulder. “Make sure you come up with something festive,” she told him. “He’s got a _big_ date tonight, if you know what I mean.” She winked. Then as the tailor looked at her, his expression one of bland disinterest, she gave an uncomfortable cough. Maybe he didn’t get it? Bean cleared her throat. “Cuz… y’know… his girlfriend is a giant...”

“Of course, Princess.” The tailor said, still without the slightest crack of a smile. Bean deflated, straightening up as she took a step back. The tailor was making a gesture to Bunty, flicking his hand toward Elfo’s shorts and Bean turned away before she could see the inevitable follow up to that motion.

“ _I’m gonna just… **go take care of other arrangements**!_” She called out, louder than necessary, but not quite loud enough to drown out Elfo’s yelp of dismay. “Don’t worry, Elfo! You’re in good hands!”

“ _ **Beeean!**_ ” Elfo’s embarrassed wail followed her down the hallway as she beat a hasty retreat.

-

“You mean you had Elfo stripped in front of a crowd of people?” Luci crowed for a moment as he bounced up onto her shoulder. It had taken a little looking around the castle before she’d found the demon, knocking back a couple of drinks and playing dice against Mertz. When she walked in on him, he was in the process of taking the knight’s sword, as well as a few dented coppers. Mertz deflated as soon as Bean arrived and Luci lost interest in their game, giving him no chance at winning his possessions back. As Luci used his tail to shove the sword into Bean’s grip and they left the knights’ barracks, she caught a slight glimpse of the man staring, dismayed, at his empty locker.

She might have felt bad for a second if Luci hadn’t been in the middle of changing gears. “And you didn’t invite me to point and laugh? God damn it, Bean!” He pushed his paw against her cheek, not quite a slap, but definitely a rebuke. “I missed out!” He was silent for a few long moments, his tail flicking, occasionally snapping against her clothed back in his annoyance. It didn’t take long for him to get over whatever outrage he was experiencing, not in the face of some good gossip. “So, what’s he look like naked?”

Bean should have been expecting the question, but somehow it caught her off-guard anyway. She stumbled on her next step and was forced to brace her hand against the wall to catch herself. Mertz’s sword hit the ground at her feet as she had to shift to grip the stones for balance and the clanging noise was almost enough to cover the slight choke in her throat, but not quite.

Luci blinked a couple of times, looking at her more closely, with his big dark eye narrowed in her direction. 

Was she flushing? Her cheeks felt hot, but it couldn’t have been that. It had to just be that she’d been running around so much, arranging things. She’d worn herself out, doing all of this preparation…

It wasn’t like the thought of Elfo naked hadn’t somehow crept into the back of her mind once she’d realized that Bunty intended to strip him down. And even if it had… it was just idle curiousity. She’d seen plenty of naked people, but never a naked elf. Who could blame her for being a little tiny bit intrigued? 

Besides, he was her friend and that was why she’d looked away. Sure, she didn’t see why friends had to be embarrassed around each other, but she knew Elfo was more self-conscious than she was. It was just her being a good friend…

“I…” She cleared her throat. “I didn’t look.” She could feel Luci’s intense stare boring its way into her skull and she grimaced, feeling put on the spot by this line of questioning. “I had a lot of things to get ready. I have my own arrangements for the ball to worry about.”

That part, at least, was true. She hadn’t spent much time on her own clothing or deciding who she was going to go with. It only made sense for her to find a partner to attend with. She would look like an awkward weirdo if she just showed up without someone on her arm and then spent the evening watching her best friend dance with his lady. Oh god… it was probably too late to actually ask anyone, wasn’t it? 

Luci seemed to catch on to her train of thought without any prompting. “Spent too much time trying to help the elf get laid, huh?” He leaned against her with a smirk, even as his choice of words made Bean’s lips - and her gut - twist a moment with the mental images that tried to pop into her head at that suggestion. “So I’m guessing you don’t have a date.”

“No…” She began, slowly. The wheels in her head were turning, trying to present her with some kind of option that wasn’t going to make her look either pathetic or bizarrely obsessed with her bestie’s love life. “So… Luci…” She hedged a little, trying to consider whether asking her other friend - who was also her personal demon - to be her dance partner for the ball she was mostly attending so she could keep an eye on - er… _help_ \- Elfo.

“Don’t even think it.” The demon replied, without hesitation. When Bean froze, looking at him sidelong, Luci met her gaze with a steady stare. “You were going to ask if I’d go with you as your plus one. Well, forget it. You might not be planning to hook up tonight, but not all of us are dateless losers. I have plans.”

Bean couldn’t help but deflate a little at his frank assessment. She started to walk again, only to have Luci jab her in the shoulder with his tail. 

“Forgetting something.” He said. It wasn’t a question. When she stared at him blankly, he tipped his head over her shoulder to indicate the sword she’d dropped and left in the hallway. “I cheated Mertz out of his only possessions fair and square. I’m not just going to leave one of them lying in the hallway where he can find it!”

She couldn’t help the annoyance that rose in her. He was giving her a hard time about her prospects - and her motivation - for this whole evening, and he still expected her to help him out with his ill-gotten gains? She reached up, grasping him by the scruff and holding him up as if he really was a cat. Luci’s paws kicked out stiffly at that, a growl vibrating in his throat. 

“You’ll just have to take care of it yourself, Luci.” She was surprised at how well she managed to keep her voice light and unaffected. “I’m busy getting ready for the ball.” She released her grip and the demon fell from her grasp, landing clumsily and off-balance on all fours. He might not have been a cat, but his reflexes were still fairly fast when he could anticipate what was coming. She might have felt a little more satisfaction if he’d fallen flat on his big nose, but she’d take what she could get and what she got was the brief satisfaction of watching him trying to drag the heavy metal sword with his tail while she showed him her back.

-

Bean really had no idea where she was going to go or what she was going to do to actually ‘get ready’ for the ball. She supposed she should at least see about picking out her own outfit, so she’d fit in while she was standing in the corner by the food and staring at the dancers like some kind of creepy stalker.

She was too caught up in her own thoughts to register the sound of a voice calling out to her. It took a few - louder - repeats before she realized there was anyone there. Her steps drew to a halt, abruptly enough that the person behind her almost crashed into her at full speed, barely drawing up short of colliding.

It was Sir Pendergast. For a few seconds, he stood there, catching his breath. He must have sprinted up the stairs after her to intercept her and there were a lot of ridiculously steep staircases in Dreamland castle. She stared at him blankly as he coughed on the tail end of a deep breath, then looked at her straight on. “Princess. Thank god, I’ve caught up with you!”

Her mood wasn’t great for dealing with anyone talking to her at the moment and she fidgeted a little where she stood, trying to be civil. After all, the man had gone out on a quest for her. Even if he had been his job, she did owe him a bit of gratitude for risking life and limb to bring Elfo’s girlfriend in time for the ball. Also he was more competent than the average Knight of the Zog Table, though that really wasn’t saying much. “Yeah. That’s me.” She waited for a few seconds, for him to actually follow up on what he’d been running after her for, but when nothing came in that time, she decided to put aside the usual pleasantries and just be blunt. “Did you need something?”

She could tell he hadn’t been expecting her to come out and ask such a question without preamble. From the many interactions she’d had with Pendergast in the past, she knew that he - like many men in the kingdom - had a bit of a problem dealing with authoritative women and he’d had issue with her doing things for herself before. Maybe this had to do with that? Generally she didn’t go out of her way to interact with most of the knights and he was no exception. His lips twisted, brows furrowed as he looked at her, still in the midst of catching his breath.

“I was thinking that since we’ve been working together-” That was right. She had roped him into her little dinner date with Elfo and Tess, though she’d spent more of it trying to puzzle together her own thoughts about this entire relationship thing unfolding in front of her than paying attention to her ‘date’ or even the actual dinner. But it was clear that he wasn’t on the same track as her when it came to the purpose of said invitation because he was continuing, “-that you might like to accompany me to the ball as well.”

Well now. That did make her sit up and take notice, but probably not for the reason Pendergast would have been expecting. This was it. Her excuse to be there without looking awkward and out of place. She perked as she looked at him and she wasn’t sure what he was reading into her sudden smile because he hesitated, eyes wrinkling around the edges.

“Yeah.” She said, trying to look less like a crazy person who was obsessing over what should have been a perfectly normal evening where she was going to spend time at a boring royal function and try not to look like she was being a creepy stalker to her best friend. “That sounds okay.”

The head of the knights slumped a little where he stood, posture no longer quite as ramrod straight as he let out a breath. “Thank god. That went more easily than I expected.”

She pursed her lips a little. “What?” 

The knight coughed as he took a step backward. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. I’ll pick you up at your quarters shortly beforehand?”

Bean didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to dealing with knights arriving at her quarters and she wasn’t exactly eager for another try, especially not when it was a makeshift date for the ball. “I’ll meet you at the ball.” She countered, with no opportunity for him to contradict her words as she continued down the hallway.

That was one problem down, at least. Now there were just all the other things about this evening that could have gone awkwardly. And she was going to need a dress wasn’t she? She wasn’t used to bothering to attend her father’s functions, much less dressing up for them. Bean let out a sigh as she diverted her path. Instead of going to her room to catch up on some drinking - she was already woefully behind her usual schedule - she went to the room where she’d left Bunty and the tailor with Elfo. It was time to give herself a bit of a makeover too.

-


	2. Chapter 2

  
  
  


When she arrived, Bunty turned to greet her with a smile. “Ah, there you are ma’am. I was wonderin’ if you’d return before we were done.” She wiped her hands on the front of her frock before resting her palms on Bean’s upper arms in a warm - if daft, as always - gesture of greeting. “We’re almost done with your lad.”

Bean let out a soft snort at that wording, not sure if Bunty meant it in the same way that most people did - that Elfo was some kind of pet or object that Bean owned, or if she meant…

No. It definitely wasn’t that. Bunty was dim, but even she wasn’t likely to jump to the conclusion that Bean was in any way romantically interested in a guy who wasn’t even human. Bunty knew her better than that. It was far more likely that she was going with the pet thing.

“I know you’ve done a great job with him, Bunts…” she began, a little distracted by her attempts to avoid the possible secondary line of thought about what Bunty’s implication of Bean’s ownership over Elfo could mean. She didn’t get too far with whatever she’d been planning to say, mostly because the words stopped right about there and she didn’t have anything left to follow them up with. Bunty stepped in while she was still trying to find some kind of meaningful way to fill the silence. 

“We’ve got a couple of outfits for him. I don’t think the poor lad has worn anything besides that dingy shirt of his… he’s got some problems deciding which is the better.” She smiled as she looked at Bean. “None of our suggestions seem to help.”

“Oh Elfo…” Bean couldn’t help but smile at that. Of course, he was going to be unsure. He was a good friend - most of the time - but he had less fashion sense than both her and Luci, which was saying something considering she was a fashion don’t at the best of times and Luci didn’t wear clothes at all. 

“If you could spare a moment to help out…” Bean had known it was coming, but she still sighed for a moment. Of course. 

“Yeah. Sure, Bunts. I’ll take a look. Can you pull the clothes out for me to see?” She waited for Bunty to pull out the two outfits in question, but instead the woman went over to where the tailor was standing, arms crossed and looking a bit sour in the face. She stepped behind the curtain and Bean had a moment to realize, from the sharp, high pitched squeak of a familiar elf voice, that Elfo was actually still here trying the outfits on. She had to bite her lip, wondering why she hadn’t anticipated this possibility.

Then Bunty was leading Elfo out from behind the changing curtain and Bean’s gaze dropped to look over his small green frame. 

She hadn’t been expecting much, honestly. Elfo was… well… he was cute enough in an ‘Elfo’ sort of way. He was absolutely very visually distinct and she was fond of his weird little face, but she would hardly have thought of him as stylish or in any way handsome. And he still… wasn’t… not really. But the outfit he was in was also a far cry from the normal plain reddish shirt and short blue shorts he wore day to day. It actually fit him, for one, instead of looking like it was probably someone’s hand-me-down. 

Also, it didn’t clash terribly in a mish-mash of colours. The colours that the tailor had chosen were mostly purples, very pale purple shirt, a brighter vest to match his hat, and a pair of dark trousers. If it hadn’t been for his shoes - and she didn’t blame the tailor for it, because how could the man be expected to have many elf sized shoes on hand? - he would have looked positively dashing in his weird way. He was fidgeting and pulling at his sleeves though, head ducked and eyes locked on the floor as he avoided meeting her gaze.

“It…” she hesitated, stumbling on the words. She saw his ears twitch at her words, his gaze still fixated on a point on the floor somewhere to the left of her shoe. He was listening though, she could tell from the sudden tenseness in his shoulders. She should have continued, told him he looked pretty good, honestly. A reassurance, like a good friend.

But she just couldn’t, for some reason. She couldn’t bring the words to come out of her mouth and the long hesitation only made Elfo sink on himself a little as he took her silence as a negative. “I… I know… it’s silly, right?” He rubbed his hands against himself, arms crossing in front of his chest as he tried his best to burrow into the neck of his new shirt like a frightened turtle. “It’s just… too much.” He turned to look at her, finally, though it was just out of the corner of his eye, waiting for something. Confirmation, maybe.

Bean let out a breath at that, meaning to be slow about it, to be normal. Instead it came out in a burst, like she’d been punched in the gut. What was wrong with her? She drew another one, trying to get herself under control as she let out a soft, deliberate chuckle. “It’s… it’s not so bad, really.”

Of course not. She felt like a terrible friend when her words reached her own ears because it didn’t sound reassuring at all. It sounded more like she was just unwilling to give him the bad news.

_Just say he looks nice._ Her mind supplied. It was the right thing to say. Also, it was true, on top of that.

But no… still, she couldn’t. It occurred to her that she didn’t want to and she wasn’t sure why she was balking until she realized that the image of Elfo on Tess’ arm was trying to push its way forward from the back of her mind and it was all she could do to shove it firmly back into the corner where it belonged. She didn’t need to picture that!

Much like Zog hadn’t wanted to picture…. Whatever he’d been picturing with Elfo and Tess, before… she didn’t want to think about the two of them dancing. She wanted them to dance. She just didn’t want to think about it.

_It’s not too late to call this all off,_ the voice in her head supplied and she wasn’t sure if it sounded like Luci or not. Probably not, since he would have been the first person to push her to actually do the thing, no matter how reckless. She forced a smile onto her face, trying to recover from the blow to Elfo’s pride that her criticism had surely dealt. “It looks good on you, Elfo.” But her efforts at fixing the situation didn’t do any good, he only dipped his head and the colour came into his cheeks. 

Bunty stepped in to her rescue, though she wasn’t sure if it was deliberate or just because she was used to bustling people through awkward moments. “Now now. There’s no need to decide just yet. We’ve still got the one to go.” She tutted as she ushered Elfo back behind the curtain, giving Bean a much-needed opportunity to catch her breath and try to compose herself. 

Truth be told, she wasn’t sure why she was bothered. The outfit had been pretty nice. Better than nice, really… flattering, in a way that she wouldn’t have associated with her odd little friend. It certainly hadn’t made him attractive by any stretch of the imagination, but he looked more like a grown-up person and less like some kind of doll or small child. That was the problem, wasn’t it? He was a grown-up man, as he’d protested on a couple of instances in the past when she’d babied him. It was just so much easier to shove him into that safe, comfortable little box where he was basically devoid of any kind of sexual aspects.

But he and Tess… the two of them had been going out. And, based on Elfo’s accounts, their relationship wasn’t exactly all the hand-holding and awkwardness that Bean would have envisioned if she’d ever been pressured to consider the idea of Elfo dating someone. They’d done… well… more than that. The memory of Elfo’s little comment about getting stuck in Tess’s eye-socket was both disgusting and haunting. And now, faced with the realization that he wasn’t that sexless creature she’d expected, it made her… uncomfortable, to say the least.

It wasn’t even that she was bothered by the idea that he was interested in her. She’d shoved that awkwardness in the pit to the back of her mind. It wasn’t relevant. She knew that imminent death did funny things to people and he did have a girlfriend. Either it had been a slip or perhaps she really had thought he’d been trying to kiss her and it hadn’t been the case at all. That part was easy enough to dismiss. But Tess…

_No. God. No that wasn’t something she needed to think about._ Bean shoved that thought out of her mind, biting her lip and turning to the tailor. “I need a dress….” It wasn’t a brilliant follow-up to everything that was going on, but it was true and gave her something else to focus on. The man looked her over, even though he’d fashioned the outfits for the royal family for years. 

“That should be no problem, Princess.” He said breezily. “I can take all of your measurements. The only question is what style you’ll be looking for.” When she didn’t respond immediately, her mind trying to piece together some response, like that she actually didn’t bother keeping up with current fashions, the man continued heedlessly, “Are you looking for the two of you to match?”

“...what?” The words didn’t sink in, not initially. The tailor’s expression became one of mild boredom and frustration and when he spoke again, his voice was slower, as though he was hoping she would comprehend what he was asking if only he asked it more clearly. 

_He thinks I’m an idiot_. That much was clear, but… she really was clueless on what the hell he was referring to with that comment. Match? Match who? Or did he mean a two piece outfit like a skirt and a blouse? If that were the case then of course it should match… or did he mean-

“You and…” the man hesitated over the word, faltered, and she could see the swipe of his tongue across his teeth as he tested what he wanted to say, only barely managing to cough it out with all the enthusiasm of a cat choking up a hairball. “You and your… elf… _companion_.”

It was the tone that finally clued her in, the way he gave that word a twist of his lips as he spit it out. He wasn’t asking if she and Elfo should have matching outfits because they were friends. 

“I. What? No!” She barked out, with more vehemence than she’d intended. She felt bad a second later when the rustling from behind the curtain stopped and she realized Elfo had probably heard her and was now wondering what was going on. Bean had no idea how much of the man’s insinuation that he’d actually heard and she reached out to grab the tailor by the sleeve, dragging him a few steps further away from where Bunty was helping Elfo to get dressed. Her voice was a low hiss as she tried to speak to him as quietly as possible. “No, we don’t need matching outfits!” Her voice was probably coming out a little more shrill than she intended, her heart was beating harder for some reason, an uneven patter that felt like it was about to pound its way out of her chest. “The two of us… we’re…” She swallowed hard, steeling her nerves and pursing her lips as she tried to get herself under control again. She wasn’t going to let this get to her. “We’re not _together_ like that. We’re just friends. That would be so weird…”

Weird for the two of them, but it also struck her, when the tailor’s eyes wrinkled around the edges, that it was more than just weird. The castle staff didn’t care much about whether or not the person she was hooking up with was her friend - other than the usual gossip about how long it would take Zog to set about beheading the unfortunate man she’d been with - but the fact that Elfo was an elf… Well, Dreamlanders had always been a little on the racist side and Bean knew she wasn’t exactly exempt from that. 

She’d just never really… cared… if she was perpetuating some kind of racist attitude since it was mostly directed toward Oona or Derek and they were both already pains in her proverbial butt. It was different when the racism was directed toward someone she considered a friend. He wasn’t some multicoloured weirdo… he was Elfo. And that didn’t matter a whit to this man.

“Not…” She tried to backtrack on the words, knowing what his assumption would be and, in some small way, wanting to spare Elfo from being the target of the tailor’s casual racism. “It’s not because he’s an elf!” She blurted, without more preamble. “It’s just because we’re already friends. That would be weird… to go to the ball with my friend…” She rubbed at her arms, gaze darting away and her teeth worrying at her lower lip. 

“Okay.” The man’s reply was simple. Short. She darted a glance toward him, expecting to find something more to it, some disbelief or disdain. She was used to that look from men. But he didn’t seem fazed. “So, what colour would you like your dress?”

The change of topic was gratifying but surprising. She hadn’t been expecting to be let off the hook so easily. Still, even as she stumbled her way through what was an equally awkward conversation about what colours looked good with her skin tone - ugh - her mind kept going back to that same train of thought. That people assumed that she… that Elfo…

“He’s got a girlfriend!” The words came out, making no sense when they had no other context attached and the man she was talking to was trying to help her determine if she was a winter or a spring - _what did that even mean? What did seasons have to do with her? She wasn’t a season!_ \- froze for a second, his eyes narrowed.

“...what?”

She was making it worse. The conversation had already moved on and yet she had to clarify, for her own sake if nothing else. She didn’t want to come across like a crazy person, spouting out random nonsense. “Elfo. He has a girlfriend, remember? The giant?” Surely he’d seen Tess? Or heard of her. The news had gone around the castle quickly enough, as it always did. The castle staff, like most dreamland residents, lived for this kind of gossip. “The two of them are going to the ball together.”

The tailor ignored her babbling. It was probably the best move on his part and she would have been grateful at his complete disinterest in her weird commentary about the relationship status of her elf friend, except that it was the thought that still circulated in her mind. Over and over. He had a girlfriend. Elfo. That’s what this was all about… why she’d gone through all this trouble. Bean raised her arms when indicated to, feeling the length of the measuring rope as the royal tailor brought it around her, up to each arm, determining the dimensions he was working with. It was all very rote, familiar… and it left far too much time to think about other things that were better off left alone.

She wasn’t sure if she was glad when Bunty’s voice cut through the silence or more worried because of what the woman was saying. “Okay. We’ve gotten the lad all changed. Come tell us what you think, Princess.”

As Bunty emerged from behind the curtain, the tailor stepped away from Bean. His expression was impassive as her handmaid coaxed Elfo to step out in the new clothing. This one was a little simpler than the last, Bean noted immediately, but still looked nicer than anything Elfo might have had in his normal wardrobe. The pink shirt was ruffled at the neck and cuffs, but in a way that was kind of cute. It did make him look a little like a kid trying to play dress up, in a way that the other outfit hadn’t, and that was kind of a relief. 

“Yeah. I think that’s the way to go.” The words slipped out before she could think about them and she bit her lip immediately after, hoping that it hadn’t come across as too quick a judgment.

“Yeah?” Elfo looked down at himself, tugging a little at the cuffs of his shirt before smoothing the fabric across his belly and chest. He darted a look back up at her, the corner of his mouth twitching in a hopeful smile. “I guess it’s not too bad…”

Bean eased down to one knee without thinking about it, moving to straighten his collar. “You look cute in this.” It was true and she was relieved to not have to lie to him. It was also a lot less troubling to her than the other outfit had been, for some reason. He looked more… Elfo and less… well… “Your girlfriend is really going to like it.” The words slipped out and both of them froze for a second, their gazes locked as they shared a moment of something like embarrassment. He tore his eyes away after a second and cleared his throat.

“Well then. I uh… I’ll go with this one.” He was doing his best to not look at her as he retreated back behind the curtain with a high-pitched. “Thank you, Bean!”, leaving her perched there on one knee, trying to wrap her mind around what had just happened. As she was still struggling with it, the tailor was leaning down to hold swatches of fabric up beside her cheek. At least someone was able to be a professional at the moment…

The princess was still being measured as Elfo finished up changing and tried to sneak out the door without being noticed. Bean saw him - how could she not? He was terrible at being sneaky - but she didn’t say anything. At least one of them could have a measure of dignity in all this awkwardness.

-


	3. Chapter 3

-

She was relieved to get out of there herself, retreating to her room in preparation of the party to come. It took the tailor several hours to throw together something for her to wear and she went through the motions of trying it on with an air of distraction throughout. She did dimly register that the colour was flattering on her, but her mind was on the evening to come. She was vibrating and she told herself it was excitement, but she really really needed a drink.

Luci came in at some point, sitting on her bed and looking up at her with that keen, piercing gaze of his. He knew her too well, sometimes frustratingly so. “There’s nothing to worry about.” He said, the reassurance coming out of nowhere. She hadn’t said she was worried but she could feel his awareness vibrating across the bond they shared and knew that denying it wouldn’t do any good anyway. He’d know better.

“I’m not that worried…” she hedged before sighing. “I’m just not sure this is such a great idea now. I mean… I’m happy for Elfo, y’know…” 

_She was, god damn it. She was happy for him. He and Tess were clearly such a good couple if you didn’t take their relative sizes into consideration. She’d told herself that there was nothing to worry about in actually meeting Elfo’s girlfriend, this was what she’d been hoping for. She’d been the one to set it up!_

Somehow that reminder didn’t help as much as she would have preferred.

“You don’t sound happy.” Luci took a swig from the flask he was carrying, one that looked all too familiar. She reached down to check her pocket, verifying that he’d stolen her extra.

“Luci.” She reached for it, trying to prise it from his fingers. “That’s mine.” 

He used his flexible tail to hold it out of her range, moving it whenever she grabbed for it. “Come on. You’ve got plenty. And that’s not even what you’re worried about.” He shifted, moving to climb up her arms when she tried to snag him. “This evening will probably be a disaster.” He pressed the flask into her palm. “But lighten up! It’s more fun that way!

“I’m not worried about that…” She didn’t have time to think about what she was saying so there was a certain honesty to her words that she was already regretting. The demon could be clueless in his own right but somehow he always picked up on things whenever it was actually stuff she would have preferred he didn’t know about. So of course he perked immediately at her words, turning his head to give her a piercing stare out of the corner of his eye. 

“You’re not worried about this entire thing going to hell?” His tongue flicked across his lips, tracing over his fangs. “Then what are you worried about, hm?” He leaned forward, perched on her shoulder, his muzzle brushing against her ear for a second. 

“N-nothing…” it sounded patently fake, even to her own ears. There was no way he would have believed it anyway, even if she’d been more convincing. He had an unfair advantage in his soul bond with her. She sighed, resigning herself. “It’s just… Elfo.”

“Elfo.” Luci shifted to a sitting position, legs dangling as he balanced himself. “Yeah. You’re right. He probably will put a damper on things. We should just cram him back in the cheese cave again. It’d be better for everyone.”

“What?” Bean blinked. “No!” At the way Luci’s eye narrowed in response to her words, she hastened to clarify. “I’m not worried about the party at all.” She shook her head, turning away from the demon for a second. “It’s just another stupid royal function. I wouldn’t even be attending if I didn’t have to.”

“So don’t go.” Luci replied breezily. As if it was just that simple.

“I have to.” She sighed, looking down at her hands and realizing she was still holding the flask Luci had nipped from her. She opened it, an automatic gesture, raising it to her lips and taking a few swallows in an attempt to calm her nerves. It didn’t really help, except that the sensation of warmth starting to spread through her was like a familiar blanket. Maybe a little more of this and she wouldn’t be worried anymore. “I set this up for Elfo. I can’t just abandon him.”

Luci didn’t reply and she wasn’t sure if she was grateful or even more upset at the prospect of being left to her own thoughts. The silence was a motivator though, a powerful one. In her very slightly tipsy state, she needed to fill it and the only way she could do that was to talk, whether Luci was replying or not. 

As much as Bean avoided talking about emotions - it was the [Grunkewitz] way - her tongue loosened with application of alcohol and she leaned her back against the nearest wall and just babbled some nonsense to the open air and the demon who happened to occupy the same space. “It’s just… I know he loves Tess. That’s so obvious. They’re so good together…” They were, weren’t they? She would never have considered that before but now it was the thing foremost in her mind. “I should be happy for him.

“But I’m not.”

There it was. The crux of her problem. She should have been happy that her friend was on the verge of finding true love and she wasn’t. No matter how hard she tried to help, to be encouraging and to be the supportive friend she knew she would have wanted in a similar position, there was nothing that could make her really okay with it. Not even if she’d seen it in a vision. The vision had been one thing but this reality was…

“I mean… what if…” her voice caught on the words, hitched for a second. Luci looked up at her, a steady stare, unreadable. “What if he decides to go away?”

The thought was only really sinking in now. It struck her that maybe this had been her concern all along. Something simple. Any other aspects could be put aside because this was a big one. She didn’t want Elfo to leave. He’d barely just arrived in her life and already things had changed so much. The way things had been before then… she didn’t want to go back to that. Being alone in a crowd of people. 

“You’d miss him.” Luci said and his voice was carefully, alarmingly, neutral. It was just her own thoughts, spoken aloud. She didn’t know if he had an angle and right now she didn’t care. 

“Yes.”

Luci was silent, even as Bean swallowed at nothing before going back to the flask to polish off what was left in it. It wasn’t until she handed it back, empty, that he finally let out a breath. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.” He didn’t sound as convinced as she would have hoped. Maybe this was his attempt to be reassuring but it was hard to believe any sort of positivity from a demon, at least where it didn’t involve property damage or attempted murder.

Bean waited for him to provide her with more than just some useless placating words… or at least expand on it enough that she could believe there was something to his assertions besides a desire to make her feel better for a moment. Nothing came and she sighed, pinching at the bridge of her nose. She wished Elfo was here. He’d probably say something really stupid, but the fact that he tried so hard would make her feel better despite his inability to articulate himself well. Of course, if he was here, he wouldn’t have been getting ready for his date with Tess and she wouldn’t have been worried about him deciding to move on to greener pastures with the love of his life.

_Don’t be ridiculous._ She told herself as she passed the flask back to Luci, who stared at her with a scowl and mumbled something about what the hell was he supposed to do with an empty flask? She ignored him. She needed to move around, to do anything to get her mind off of things.

-

Time passed. She wasn’t sure how much. She spent most of the day out in the gardens, doing enough physical exercise to keep herself occupied and away from all the preparations. It helped… it really did. With some fresh air and time to not think about her friends - or lack thereof - she was able to remind herself why this had been a good plan to begin with. She was doing the right thing by Elfo. He and Tess were very much in love and she would have had to be a terrible friend to not acknowledge that.

And besides, if he was… taken… there wouldn’t be any worry that he might actually have wanted to kiss her earlier. That was a silly thought. Why would he want to kiss her when he had Tess right here?

_Why would he?_

She headed inside to the baths. Usually, she didn’t bother with the pretense of getting cleaned up unless it was absolutely required and usually a ball like this wasn’t actually as posh as it wanted to be. Unless there were actual royals from the neighboring kingdoms, the most anyone in the castle bothered with was brushing their hair and maybe putting on some relatively clean clothes… if they had more than one pair. Bean hated this kind of function and usually wouldn’t even bother changing into something formal unless her dad forced her to. 

Tonight was an exception. She’d put together all this for Elfo’s benefit and she was going to see it to the end. She scrubbed at her own arms busily but ineffectively before Bunty stepped in to help, making quick work of a task she’d performed ever since Bean was tiny. Afterward she went to fetch Bean’s dress while the princess made her way up to her quarters, wrapped in nothing but a terry cloth towel. Luci was sitting there on her bed as she entered, smoking a joint. His ear flicked slightly and he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, expression bland. “Oh, so this is actually happening?” He blew out a long curl of smoke before flopping onto his back and stretching like a cat.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bean tossed her towel aside as soon as she was done rubbing at her hair with it, moving to sit in her chair and look into the mirror. She looked fine. Her hair was always a lot brighter after bathing, the dinginess that came from the usual grossness of Dreamland living briefly scrubbed away. She was pretty striking, really. It was something she didn’t generally think about. Reaching up, she curled a strand of white hair around her finger thoughtfully. She got it from her mom, who most people agreed had been a very attractive woman. She’d always been more of her father’s daughter though, unfortunately for her.

Not that it had ever hindered her much in Dreamland. Or, rather, of all the things that prevented her from finding viable hookups, her appearance wasn’t one of them. People were more scared of her dad going postal on them and sticking their heads on a stake, not whether or not she had a slightly less slender waist than one might have considered ideal. 

Luci scoffed from behind her, a sound vaguely like a cat coughing up a hairball. “Sure. Ignore me. But you know exactly what I mean. You’re going through this whole farce over Elfo’s stupid fake girlfriend.”

“She’s not fake,” Bean said softly. But she didn’t refute the rest of his words, mostly because she was afraid that if she tried, she’d find she couldn’t. 

“Maybe.” the demon was willing to concede that much, though his tone was more dubious than anything. “But you are.”

Bean grimaced, moving to her bed with a surge of frustration. She reached for Luci, missing him on the first swipe as he was a slippery shadow of a thing. She just barely managed to catch hold of his tail as he tried to jump away from her, dragging him back toward her. What she was going to do at that point, she wasn’t sure but, fortunately, she didn’t have to decide. There was a knock at the door and Bean turned, only belatedly aware of the fact that she was standing there naked when the door swung open.

Fortunately, it was just Bunty, who’d seen her naked thousands of times. She was carrying Bean’s new dress in her arms. “Delivery for you ma’am. Straight from the royal tailor.” She paused only a second as she saw Bean standing there without a stitch and holding her demon companion up by the tail while he flailed like an angry cat. “We need to get you dressed, m’lady. Put that down.” She reached over, gripping Luci by the scruff with a confident grip and lifting him away from Bean who released her grip more out of surprise than because she wanted to. As much as she often complained about Bunty and her odd way of looking at things, the woman was pretty effective at getting her to listen, at least compared to the rest of the castle residents.

Luci was going to get off easy, at least for now. Bunty simply dropped him to the floor. Unlike the cat he resembled, Luci landed snout-first in a heap and grumbled as he tried to get his body back in order. “Fine.” He hissed, his ears sideways and his tail lashing as he looked sidelong at Bean. “But you’re just deluding yourself, you know. That’s supposed to be _my_ job.” He muttered under his breath, small pithy words that Bean didn’t quite make out as he shuffled toward the door, slipping out and then attempting to slam it shut behind him. It just slowly creaked shut.

Bunty didn’t wait, moving to unfurl the mass of fabric. Bean hadn’t been allowed much input about the style or colour, hadn’t even been really asked, but she also hadn’t cared. She stared down at the material laid out in front of her with a blank expression, up until Bunty nudged the heel of her hand at Bean’s arm.    
  
“Come on.” She tutted at the princess. “We’ve not got much time now.” A quick glance toward the window confirmed it. The sun was starting to go down on the other side of the castle, the sky erupting into colours that would fade into dusk soon enough. It was almost time for the ball. As Bunty poked and prodded and squeezed Bean into the dress, she could only watch the light falling just inside the window and fading further and further. It felt like it took forever, the waiting. Then Bunty stepped back with one last fluff of the fabric, surveying her work with a sound like a cooing hen. “There you are… don’t you look lovely.”

Bean blinked, glanced down at herself and tried to figure out what Bunty was talking about. It was a bit hard, at this angle, but as she shifted tactics, looking instead at her own reflection in the mirror, she thought maybe she could kind of see it. She didn’t look quite like herself, that was certain. The dress was all elegance and rich blue against the pale of her skin. It made her hair stand out that much more. She’d probably catch a few eyes at the ball.

She sighed, smoothing the material down. “Thanks, Bunts.” She smiled half-heartedly. “This will do, I’m sure.” There was no time for moping though. No reason to, either. She wasn’t going to some kind of funeral, damn it. It was a ball. She was going to get to see the results of all of her hard work.

And she was a good friend. The best.

That thought did bolster her a bit and she looked at her reflection again, a smile quirking at her lips. The stranger in the mirror finally looked like her, even in the finery. Buck-teeth and all. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad…

There was a knock at the door and Bean jumped a little. It definitely wasn’t Luci or Elfo, it was coming from normal human height. She furrowed her brows as she moved toward the door, grabbing hold of it and jerking it open. 

Sir Pendergast was standing there. He’d gone all out in his formal wear for this event and she was a little surprised that he’d bothered. She was also a bit surprised that he actually _had_ clothes other than his usual armour since that was all she ever saw him in. Somehow she’d kind of assumed it was his only outfit. “Princess!” He was carrying a flower - a rose - and she wondered if he’d brought it from earlier, during the incident with Chazz.

She hesitated for a second. Truthfully she’d forgotten that he’d asked - or at least that she’d agreed. But it wouldn’t be a bad thing to go with him, would it? It was better than going alone and Luci had already turned her down so it wasn’t like she could bug him about it again. She let out a soft breath, glancing him over. By Dreamland standards, he wasn’t an unattractive guy, she supposed, so it wasn’t like she was going to look strange with him on her arm. And, as a bonus, he was human.

While Bean was dithering, Pendergast frowned, probably unsure what to make of this lack of immediate approval. “I’ve come to bring you to the dance.” He said, as though it wasn’t obvious. Perhaps he was just trying to give her an opening to respond.

“Y-yeah. Of course.” She nodded slowly. She bit her lip as he reached out one hand, palm up, in invitation. She hesitated a second longer and then took his hand. But she didn’t wait for him to lead her to the dance. It was her idea, damn it. She wasn’t going to be led. She was the first one down the stairs, almost dragging the surprised man behind her. 

The sooner she got all this over with the better. Elfo would have his girlfriend and she wouldn’t have to worry about whether she was spending too much of her life fretting over someone else’s feelings. It would be, as Luci would put it, a happy ending for all.

-


	4. Chapter 4

She was already one full drink in and starting on her second when they announced her dad’s arrival. It wasn’t that Zog was fashionably late, it was just that Oona had probably only now managed to get him to drag his ass out of his throne and get dressed for the occasion. She barely looked in his direction, standing by one of the smaller tables, trying to both scan the crowd and also not be obvious about it.

There wasn’t long to wait, as finally the familiar voice of the court messenger rang out to announce their guests of honor. Bean perked for the first time. After all the waiting, she was feeling an odd frisson of excitement. Perhaps it was just the added influence of the booze, but she was remembering her vision back in the Den of Wonders. This had to be a good thing, right? She’d seen it. It couldn’t be bad if it were a vision…

Beside her, Pendergast cleared his throat again, trying to get her attention, but she gave a slight wave of her hand to shut him up as Tess and Elfo finally entered the room.

There would be no missing them, not from any point in the room. Tess towered head and shoulders - and then another few heads and shoulders - above everyone else. Elfo looked even smaller when he was perched on her foot, waving to greet the crowd. Tess looked pretty amazing, actually, a far cry from the wild woman they’d dragged into the castle courtyard in a wagon. She seemed a bit tense, but Bean was guessing it was probably because of the crowd. 

Elfo was dressed up in the finery she’d help him pick and he still looked adorable in it. Squishable. She took a step in his direction, out of sheer instinct, almost giving in to her need to squish his cute face. It was only when Sir Pendergast stepped in, hand brushing her arm to catch her attention, that she snapped out of it. She looked at the man, torn between snappishness and apology, only to find he was holding out a small plate of cheese cubes to her. She took it, snatched from his hand with the cheese cubes bulging her cheeks as she shoved several of them into her mouth all at once and chewed determinedly.

It was a distraction. For a few seconds anyway. Then the cubes were gone and she was back to square one. She handed the empty plate back to Pendergast, who took it, staring down at the empty surface with a twist of his lips that meant he’d probably been expecting to get some of the cheese. Tough break, Bean thought for a moment. No one gets what they want all the time. She almost said something about being happy with what you’ve got, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, she went back for another drink, sipping wine until the world started to haze a little around her, that pleasant point just before full on tipsy. 

This was okay. Slow music began and the couples started to pair off. Bean leaned her elbow against the table and watched as Tess moved to the dance floor. Elfo was in her arms instead of on the floor. It was romantic, really. They looked so good together… Elfo’s green skin went so well with Tess’ red hair and Bean was happy for him. She was.

“Would you care to dance, Princess?” There was a voice beside her ear and she jerked, turning to look at the speaker. It was Sir Pendergast. Of course. The person she was here with. Ostensibly her date to this whole event. 

It made sense that he’d ask her to dance but Bean wasn’t really in the mood. She was a bit too far into tipsy to want to dance and not far enough along with her drinking to be enthusiastic about doing whatever random thing someone suggested to her. It wasn’t the right amount of drunk for this.

“Maybe later.” She breathed, already letting her attention snap back to Elfo and Tess. That was what she wanted. That look, staring into each others’ eyes. The way they held each other. She didn’t even need a partner who could lead in the dance… hell, she would have preferred one to let her lead for once.

“So, Princess…” Pendergast was talking again, still beside her, breaking into her slight reverie. “Now that we’re courting-”

Oh. Oh no. That was something she had to address right away. Somehow she hadn’t anticipated this response to her agreeing to come to the dance with him. But he was a Dreamland dude and she was a princess and, even more than that, he was one of her father’s men who’d already been asking for her favour before. It just wouldn’t do. 

“Don’t say courting,” she said, cutting his words off swiftly, “We’re not courting. Nobody’s courting.” She could see the slump of his shoulders at that and would almost have felt bad, but she had her own shit to worry about. The interruption into her thoughts had reminded her that she did have other things she was worried about, taking away some of the pleasant haze that the alcohol she'd been sipping had granted her. The glass in her hand was mostly full still, but it wouldn’t last… not when she was in this mood. “Bring me another drink.” She told Pendergast, partly to get him out of her hair for a moment and partly because she really needed one. After the one she had already.

Elfo was leaning up close to Tess, saying something that Bean couldn’t make out in the hum of the music and the crowd. He reached up, helping to adjust the glass eye he’d given the giantess earlier.

That was when it happened. There was a flare of light from the object, it was somehow familiar but she couldn’t place where she’d seen it before. Tess froze where she was, looking around at everyone like a startled deer.

What was going on?

“Wait.” Tess’s voice rose, loud enough to be heard over the now-silent crowd. All eyes were on her and Bean took a hesitant step forward, eyes wide. Rapt. “It’s working now. I can see…”

What? She could see? It didn’t make any sense that a piece of glass would be able to let her see like a normal eye would-

“I see /everything/,” Tess’ voice was strained, a bit wondering, “I see… the truth.” She turned to one of the couples who’d been dancing nearby, looking over the two of them. Her glass eye took on a faint glow for a moment. “He’s sleeping with the chambermaid.” All the people in the room looked at the pair, both of whom stared at Tess. Neither of them seemed impressed by this proclamation. A lot of noble men slept around. It would have been an easy guess except - “And /she’s/ sleeping with the chambermaid.” The woman she was referring to let out a disgusted sigh.

“I’m attracted to people who are good at their jobs.”

This confirmation of what she’d said might not have registered with the rest of the Dreamland residents in the room, but Bean found herself biting at her lip a little in response. The eye… it was really letting Tess see. What had she said? The truth?

Oh, the truth. Bean wasn’t even sure if there were people in this room who could handle the truth… She wasn’t even sure it was something she wanted to hear, herself. A simple lie, a comforting one, was usually so much better. Bean’s fingers tightened against her drink and she took another quick gulp.

Tess was continuing, revealing /the truth/ despite the fact that it was probably a bad idea. Bean didn’t want the woman to look at her, so she didn’t move, didn’t bring any attention to herself. She noticed Tess singling out her dad, pointing out what any idiot already knew about him. Elfo laughed at this mention of Zog keeping him around just for his blood and then froze for a second, confused.

“Oh.” He said, voice soft and wry. “I think I already knew that.” She could barely see him well from this distance but she could picture the look on his face, the way he’d wrinkle his oddly cute big nose into a slight pout. Bean smiled a little, giving her head a tiny shake as she finally eased her weight forward. The people around her had pulled back, leaving almost no one between herself and Tess’s judgment. The giantess’ somehow-magical eye fell across her and Bean swallowed, putting her drink aside as she saw the gleam of that glass orb.

What was Tess seeing? She wondered. There were so many lies in Bean’s life, so many hidden things that she didn’t want to admit to anyone. She didn’t think they were anything big, just the resentment about her place, about her life. Just all the things that she wanted that she ought not to, the things she couldn’t have because of who she was and what she was meant to be. Could Tess see it?

Tess didn’t say anything and Bean was both grateful land somehow disappointed as Tess instead turned to Elfo, holding him up on her palms so easily. Bean knew Elfo was light, but the giantess held him like he was really nothing. “And now for Elfo…” Tess murmured. Her voice wasn’t that loud, not really, but Bean could hear it perfectly. The giant woman’s gaze flitted from Elfo to Bean and Bean’s breath caught for a second. 

“Here’s the truth…”

“No, no, no! Wait!” Elfo cried out, a desperate, shrill wail that hung on the air for a few seconds. All eyes were on him in the aftermath and he hesitated, looking from Tess to Bean. He was somehow able to ignore the presence of the rest of the crowd, he was so caught up in his personal dilemma that it probably didn’t even register. His next words were softer but no less pained as he spoke to Tess. Imploring. “Let me do it…”

Do what? Bean’s sense of false calm, bolstered mostly by the rapid consumption of alcohol and maybe a contact high from being around Luci, was harder to maintain. Tess moved to set Elfo down on the floor and Bean stepped forward to greet him as soon as he was on the ground again, acting out of sheer instinct.

He shuffled over to meet Bean halfway across the short distance between them. Elfo’s eyes were cast down, his expression one of abject reluctance. He wrung his hands for a second, swallowing hard. “Bean… I should have confessed this a long time ago but I was too ashamed...” He tipped his head toward her again. “Tess…. was never my girlfriend...I’ve been lying to you about that...”

Bean wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or just plain old shock, but the words didn’t want to sink in at first. Was anyone surprised or was it just her? There was a silence in the wake of this confession that made time stretch out forever. It was only interrupted by Tess herself, as the giantess sputtered for a moment in embarrassment or dismay.

“O-oh… um… well, I wasn’t going to say that at all.” The giantess shuffled and let out a forced chuckle. “I mean… a deal’s a deal… yikes.”

_Yikes indeed._

“You were lying?” It didn’t make any sense. Bean wasn’t sure if she was upset with Elfo or if the situation itself was just too much to handle. She looked down at him like she was seeing someone - or something else. It had made sense in her mind, back in the Den of Wonders. She’d been so sure… “But my mystical vision! I crawled through the hole and the giant lady popped out of the flower and you were there and…” Running through the images in her head, when she was only a bit tipsy from alcohol and not high on fumes… those things didn’t add up the way they had in her vision. In fact… it all seemed like a load of nonsense… gibberish. “Oh… drugs /are/ bad.”

Luci would have had something to say about that, but he either wasn’t near enough to hear her acknowledgment of the point he’d made ages ago, or he was just planning to gloat over it later when he could really rub both her and Elfo’s noses in the intense awkwardness they’d just been through.

Or maybe he’d just seen Zog starting to move and decided to not poke the bear for once. Her dad was coming in like he knew what was going on, but Bean knew by his tone that he was just hoping to avoid some kind of disaster. As if any of this was /her/ fault and she needed someone to step in and fix things.

...okay, so she had invited Tess to the castle… via a bit of well-intentioned kidnapping…

And maybe she’d kind of arranged this whole appearance at the ball for Elfo and Tess. And their earlier ‘date’.... And…

Yeah. Okay. Maybe it was her fault. But she’d only had Elfo’s best interest at heart. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted to be a good friend…

Her dad was trying to come across as diplomatic, a task for which he was completely unsuited. The fact that Bean had been far better than him in diplomatic relations with Dankmire - at least until her drunken bender had screwed everything over - had been more because of Zog’s complete lack of people skills rather than some kind of gift on Bean’s part. So of course, he was mucking it up.

“A-alright! Everybody calm down! We don’t want to upset the nice big lady…” It wouldn’t have taken a magical eye that could see the truth to know he was lying through his teeth. Bean would have called him out on it, except that Tess was already doing so.

“You don’t think I’m nice!” And there it was, the truth. Straight out of the giant’s mouth. Bean was torn as she watched Tess, knowing the woman was only digging herself in deeper. There was no reasoning with the residents of Dreamland… their racism wasn’t usually as overt as say… an antelope… but it was pervasive. There was already some muttering going on among the crowd as Tess was talking and Bean could only think that maybe she should just… stop her. 

But the words caught her in her steps, the bitter, unshielded truth about Dreamland and her people… “-but I guess we’ll just always be ugly beasts to you… well fine.” That note in Tess’ voice was achingly familiar in its frustration. “Think I’m ugly all you want… at least I’m not ugly on the inside...”

Bean cast her gaze to the floor, feeling the prick of guilt. She wasn’t the only one. She could see even her dad was looking uncomfortable at having his shittiness exposed to the world. Slightly in front of her, she watched Elfo’s head dip and the shuffle of his short legs and wondered - fleetingly - what impression she’d given him… that he’d been more eager to go along with such an elaborate lie than just telling her how he felt.

How had he lied to her for this long? He’d broken down so quickly, back when he’d been trying to pretend to be interesting after Luci had been taken away. This was a ruse he must have maintained for a couple of days.

Was she really so terrifying…?

The slam of the doors being shoved open tore into her thoughts, which were in danger of devolving into a circle of uncertainty and self-doubt. She jerked her head up at the sound of a voice she’d not thought to ever hear again.

“I’ve come to slay the mean lady who threw me off a cliff and ate my horse!”

So it went from a series of harsh truths to the return of a dead man… and then the castle was alight around them.

/Liar Liar, pants on fire.../ The old rhyme rattled around in her head as she darted forward, finally spurred to action by the presence of a physical disaster. That was something she could deal with. She might have been a giant, but Tess didn’t deserve to die because Bean had decided to kidnap her to play the role of Elfo’s fake girlfriend and Elfo had apparently made some kind of deal - /they were going to have to talk about that... / - to hide that it wasn’t real.

As Tess smashed through the wall, Bean was quick enough to intercept her. The least she could do was keep the woman from running blindly into more trouble. Dreamlanders might have been stupid, unwashed and generally lazy but when mob mentality kicked in, they could be relentless. They’d follow the giant unless they were stopped. And Bean had a plan… one that wasn’t drug-induced.

Just drug-inspired.

“Tess! Come with me!”

“Why should I trust you?” Ouch. Fair question though. Bean could only hope she sounded sincere in her response.

“Because sometimes… I feel like a freak too...” She could see movement from the corner of her eye, as Elfo and Luci came up to join her. 

“...never said I was a freak,” Tess said, her tone skeptical. Bean had put her foot in it again, even while trying to relate to the large woman… But then… Tess paused and her glass eye gleamed with a momentary glow and then her voice and expression softened a little. “Wow… you’re trapped in a pretty sad life…” Bean drew a sharp breath as Tess continued, unhesitating. “Want me to go back and step on your dad?”

Oh god, yes. Some part of Bean was tempted, even just momentarily. Her dad getting squished by a giant would have freed her of a lot of her stupid roles and responsibilities… but… well…. He was her _dad_ and… “No.” she sighed. “We don’t have time.”

Tess scooped her up and for a few seconds Bean was able to experience what life must have been like from Elfo’s point of view. The world was a bit different when viewed from the higher up vantage point provided by someone carrying you and there was a little bit of helplessness to it too. Sure, she could have jumped down at any point - if not for the grip on her - but there was no telling if it would be safe to do so. All she could do was brace herself against Tess’ large frame and hold on. Elfo was tucked up beside her, his hands clenching as he bounced in the large woman’s grip, but he was more composed in expression than Bean felt right now.

But she couldn’t just sit back and let Tess run blindly, so Bean turned her focus away from what her companions were doing and what the streets of Dreamland looked like from just slightly higher up than normal and instead barked out instructions. “Down this alley!” As Tess turned with a surprising amount of ability for one so large, Luci clambered up onto the giant’s shoulder and looked back behind them.

“They’re catching up! Wow. Usually you humans are so lazy… surprising how fast they can move when they form an angry mob!”   
  
“Luci!” Elfo chided him, his voice rising in stuttered bursts from the jolting of Tess’ run. “That’s not helping!”

“Oh yeah?” The demon looked down at Elfo and Bean with a narrow-eyed stare. “Neither is going through a bunch of winding alleys. There’s faster routes out of the city!”

“I know that.” Bean gritted through her teeth. “We’re not headed out of the city.” While the other two were looking at her with expressions of varying degrees of surprise, Bean sat herself up straight - as straight as she could when carried in such an undignified manner. The dark blue material of her dress kept flapping about and she had to shove it back down with both hands so it didn’t fly up and obscure Tess’ vision. “Turn right! Through here!”

They were almost there. 

She felt the heavy weight of a demon hopping down onto her and hissed slightly as Luci settled into place. She could feel the way his body was tensed, his pointy ears perking forward. She knew the moment he realized what she was up to, as well, from the way his eye had a different gleam to it and his tail lashed in a slow sweep behind him. “Aha. I see how it is.”

“How what is?” Elfo called up and Bean didn’t have the time to answer him. Explaining her plan wasn’t going to do much good in the here and now. Instead she ignored him and turned to Tess.

“Okay. Tess. I know you’re not a monster…. But I need you to jump up and down.” The cobbled streets of Dreamland were poorly built even at the best of times, but this particular street was above an even more precarious bit of construction. Tess was giving her a dubious look even before she clarified, unnecessarily. “Like… a monster. I feel like that’s implied.”

Bean almost expected the giant to refuse. She’d been pretty annoyed when Bean had slipped and referred to her as a freak and this was only playing into the stereotypes of giants… but the woman either saw something with her magical eye to let her know that Bean was being sincere or she was just willing to take that risk. 

As she leaped into the air, Bean felt the world lurch around her. Elfo let out a yelp and toppled forward, only prevented from falling right out of Tess’ grasp by Bean’s instinctive grab for his arm. Bean gritted her teeth, tucking Elfo against her shoulder and feeling the bite of Luci’s claws as the three of them were jostled by each powerful slam. The ground beneath them groaned, bits of cobbles tossed into the air.

Then she heard it, the crack of a poorly constructed stone ceiling beginning to give way and she grabbed at the fabric of Tess’ shirt, giving it a yank, trying to warn her about what was about to happen. Her words were lost in the roar and crunch of the street collapsing beneath them and sending them plunging into the smoky drug den.

There was the clank of metal pitchforks and knives and other implements from above, the flickering red light of torches illuminating the screaming faces of the mob while leaving much of the rest of their features in darkness. There was a ring of people gathering around the opening left by Tess’ powerful feet and it took everything in Bean to not get too freaked out to actually move. 

Releasing Elfo, she darted over to the [brazier] full of Bliss, snatching up the ladle of water before tossing the small ladle aside and just tossing the entire bucket into the fire, sending up billowing gusts of Bliss-laced smoke straight toward the crowd above. It might not actually be enough to stop them… Bean was fully aware that the effects of most drugs could vary from person to person and she had no idea how quickly it would act, but this was /her/ plan, even if it was stupid and she turned back toward the angry mob above, chin raised defiantly as she stared at them. Even in an elaborate gown, she managed to be defiant.

It was still a tense few minutes like that, with Sir Pendergast calling for the villagers to ready to attack on his command. It occurred to her that this wasn’t exactly the best way to treat someone you’d invited to a royal dance, but it probably wasn’t a great moment to point it out when he was leading a mob trying to kill them. Her nails dug into her palm as she anticipated the arrows raining down on them. What would it feel like…? She wasn’t yet buzzed enough from the drugged smoke around her to be beyond pain, but her thoughts were starting to get a little hazy around the edges.

Then there was a clatter from above and for a moment Bean thought that they’d actually released the arrows. For a few seconds, she flinched, expecting the pain.

It never came. Instead, someone in the mob let out a soft laugh and a few more were groaning. Pendergast’s hand hesitated in mid-air and he stared down into the Den of Wonders with a momentarily blank expression. “Wait… I’m sorry man… what were we just talking about?”

And that was it. She’d won… in her fashion. With the villagers starting to wander off in their Bliss-induced daze, it was safe to climb back up. Or rather, it was safe for Tess to climb back up while the rest of them clung to her for dear life.

Bean opened her mouth to say something to Tess, to thank her. Maybe to apologize for calling her a freak. In hindsight that did seem to be a bit out of line… 

Whatever she’d been planning to say never hit the air because Elfo was stepping forward, frazzled and hang-dog even in his nice shirt. He shuffled where he stood, rubbing his arm while only managing to dart a sideways glance up at Tess. Bean could see him biting his lip, a gesture she’d grown very familiar with in their time together. /Oh Elfo./ At least he was better at telling the truth than he was at lying. And… well… she knew he was capable of a decent apology because he’d given her one, the last time things had gone to hell at a party.

“Tess… I’m so sorry about everything…” Elfo said, wringing his hands. 

The giant woman looked at him, her tone remarkably measured. “Well… you helped me out of here so… I guess it’s cool.”

Maybe. Bean could have pointed out that this had all been her idea, that she’d been the one to help Tess out… but she didn’t need the credit. Besides, as Elfo perked up a little, relieved to be let off the hook, Bean actually found herself half-expecting what came next. “It is?” The elf said, hopeful, only to have that dashed immediately as Tess responded with the harshness she’d been lacking in her initial reply.

“/No!/” She said, not quite a bellow. Elfo flinched back and Bean couldn’t help jumping a little herself at the force of the woman’s response. “You’re a dick! None of this would have happened if you’d just told the truth!” 

There it was. Bean wished she could say it was unfair. She really did. And watching the way her small companion got stiff and quiet before darting a glance at her that was almost pleading, Bean realized that she’d been let off the hook. It had been Elfo’s fault for lying - and how he’d managed to get away with it for so long had been a testament to how much and how desperately Bean had wanted to believe in the idea that Tess was Elfo’s girlfriend. 

If she was being honest with herself though, Bean knew she’d had a hand in things getting as far as they had. Her insistence on finding Elfo’s girlfriend for him had only compounded his original lie. Yes, he should have backed down on it earlier and spared them all a lot of pain, frustration and wanton destruction of Dreamland property, but she could have stopped a lot of this herself too. She felt a shiver of guilt go through her and she kept her mouth shut as Tess stomped away.

As the woman cleared the outer wall of the city, disappearing into the forest and hopefully safely on her long walk back to her home, Bean finally turned to Elfo. She was silent for a moment longer before softly admitting, “I should have known that she wasn’t your girlfriend.”

Elfo wasn’t meeting her gaze. He rubbed at his arms, biting his lip for a second before letting his breath out in a shaky sigh. “I should have just told you the truth…” His voice was so soft she could barely hear it. She could see the slight hitch in his shoulders, but unlike the last time Elfo’d needed to be called out for some asshole behaviour, this time his admission was resigned. No pleading for her forgiveness…. Just the simple facts. “I lied because I was too insecure to admit I tried to kiss you.”

So, she had been right. It made Bean feel a little reassured that she wasn’t as bad at reading people as she thought. At least, not when ‘people’ meant Elfo. A smile touched at her lips as she watched him fumble through some further awkwardness with his admission.

She didn’t think he even noticed that she was more amused than angry because he was plowing on, trying to the ‘right thing’ because that mattered so much to him for reasons that Bean still didn’t really understand. “But… you don’t have to worry. I won’t try anything like that again…”

_Oh, Elfo..._

Bean couldn’t help it. For some reason she had a pleasant buzzing feeling running through her. Maybe it was just the leftover adrenaline from their wild escapades. Or maybe it was satisfaction. After all, even if it was just Elfo, it was kind of nice to know there was someone who wanted to kiss her. “Good. Let me do it next time.” The words slipped out without her thinking about them and on some level she felt the surprise as much as Elfo did.

He looked away at that, refusing to meet her eyes, and she could see the way his shoulders rose and the way his shields went up a little at that. “Yeah. Heh. Right.” Bean could tell he thought she was joking. But she wasn’t Luci and she wasn’t going to mock about something like this. 

But she didn’t have the words to explain that she meant it… or to clarify how she meant it. 

Hell, she didn’t think she quite knew herself. Still, if everything she’d been through recently was any indication, she was learning that just sitting back and accepting things happening to her was just not her cup of tea. She wanted to be the one doing things, to feel she was accomplishing something with her life. She could reach out and grab onto life herself and she intended to do just that

Her hand brushed Elfo’s cheek, turning him back to face her. Her thoughts were a little muddled. Maybe she’d just intended to be sure she had his attention, making him look at her. But when his eyes briefly met hers at the touch, she closed that distance, pressing her lips to his. 

It was a softer kiss than most of the ones she was used to, with none of the hunger and the heat that she had with the men she’d been with. It was… different. Elfo was warm and at this distance he had a faint sweet smell she couldn’t identify. The brief brush of their lips left the taste of candy on her tongue. As she pulled back, finally feeling the hazy pleasant feeling fully settle over her, she couldn’t help but be amused at the shock on Elfo’s cute green face.

“Bean… d-did you just kiss me?” He stuttered over the words, his cheeks getting darker. He was going to make it weird, wasn’t he? How could he not? He /was/ Elfo, after all.

Except that she almost didn’t care. That floaty feeling from earlier was now settling in her head, making her feel like she was barely staying on the ground. It was only belatedly that she was starting to realize that it probably wasn’t because of anything the two of them were doing together. It had been a nice kiss, especially considering who it had been with, but there was only one ready explanation for this sensation and it wasn’t anything she was doing with her elf friend.

_Oh, drugs._ Bean had a big smile on her face, looking vaguely in Elfo’s direction while not actually being able to focus on him at all. Everything felt a little dreamy. She murmured, not thinking to try and lie, “I… I don’t know.” Her voice came out in a slight laugh as she added, “ I don’t think I’m Bean.”

He was looking at her but she could see the gradual shift in his expression, the way his gaze got a little unfocused. His face was so green. She had the urge to reach out and bump her fingers against his big nose. It was so cute. She wondered what he’d do if she gave him another kiss. Or maybe if she just… squooshed him a little. He always looked squishable and right now she wasn’t sure he’d mind if the smile spreading across his face was any indication.

His voice was soft, wondering, as he replied with a helpless little, “I don’t think I’m Elfo…”

The rest of what came after that was a blur of colours whirling together. She was vaguely aware of another voice nearby, a pair of small dark hands that caught hold of the fabric of her dress and tugged her along. 

Were they sneaking back into the castle? Bean got into the groove of things as they approached the familiar wall and was able to deftly climb back up to her room, even after tossing Elfo over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She fell into her bed as the room danced around her and kept falling.

And then she didn’t remember anything after that.

-


End file.
